Saying Grace: Postcards vs. Epistolaries

grace:  A short prayer of blessing or thanksgiving said before or after a meal. 

I am a non-religious person. I do not practice any formal religion of any stripe and haven't done so for many years. I do, however, believe in, and try to practice, religious tolerance. In fact, I usually see it as a matter of courtesy.  

But there's a pet peeve I have. Perhaps one that you yourself share. It's about grace-sayers who use saying grace as their bully pulpit. It usually happens at a family gathering but I’ve also experienced it in a more public arena where a religious leader takes advantage of the ready-made audience and attempts to advance his or her proselytizing agenda. 

Here's why I find this particular thing so annoying. I believe using the time before a meal for anything other than blessing the food is a gross misuse of power. If the grace-sayer could say their blessing in a few short sentences or even after the meal they are delaying, I'd probably be in a more charitable mood. But using precious time (while the food is getting cold and tummies are rumbling) to bless anything other than the food comes off to me as plain rude. If you’re guilty of this and you are keeping good folks from politely “digging in”, then just stop it. Let the cook silently thank God that he or she got the meal done without burning down the house. Let the cook silently implore God to find it in His or Her will to have enough food on the table for all present. Let the cook silently ask God if she has forgotten anything.

I rather like the bit about "or after" in the above definition of grace. I've often thought that after a meal was a more fitting place to say grace. Put that whole tradition of public grace-saying at the end of the meal and there's plenty who will be mighty thankful that their tummies are full and the food was good. All the non-religious will also be more likely to say “Hear, hear!” to a grace said at the end of a meal. They may even be able to burp up a pleasant "Amen!" It's possible they may even be a little more tolerant of any “extras” the grace-sayer may feel compelled to slip in. If they aren't, then at least they might be able to slip out quietly, assuming, of course, they have already given their compliments to the chef.

It's my belief that God, if He's there, does not give you extra points for creating a grand pre-meal epistolary. He (or maybe She) is probably just glad to hear from you. So, the next time you're asked to say grace at a gathering, please do the courteous thing:  Stay on topic – remember, it's about the food  –  and keep it short. Postcards, folks, not epistolaries.